Voldy's secret chocolate craving
by hojerry
Summary: Voldermort feels that he controls and rules everyone's lives...that is until chocolate comes into his life. Voldermort tries out chocolate, and gets addicted. Find out what happens in this hilarious story about Voldy and what happens during his obsession.
1. The discovery of the chocolate

**This is not a one-shot. There will be chapters after this, but don't worry, it'll be worth it ;)**

**Hope you guys enjoy it, and please R&R! **

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><p><span>Voldermort's POV<span>

I had never been the type to sneak up on my own Death Eaters, but for some reason, I had chosen _this _day, of all days to have a sudden urge to sneak up on that rat, Lucius. Why? I did not know. Even though I probably wouldn't have time to today because of the annual Snake Festival meeting at the dining hall. What is the annual Snake Festival meeting, you may ask?

It's a celebratory day where all of my Death Eaters show up with the 'Massacre Legion' (another evil group who worships me, but does not serve me; they serve another evil guy in Mexico or something) to throw a party in my honour.

My Death Eaters get the day off, to celebrate the day I became Lord Voldermort (which is this day, twenty years ago).

But even though I had to meet the 'Massacre Legion (Seriously, the 'Death Eaters' sound more threatening, awesome and scary than the 'Massacre Legion'.) in half an hour, I felt drawn to suddenly jump out at Lucius, scaring the wits out of him, and embarrass him in front of his fellow Death Eaters and even the Massacre Legion, if my timing was correct, for always trying to ruin my day.

Like, for instance, once he had fallen on top of me when he tripped over Wormtail's foot, which embarrassed me to the roots of my…bald head?

Blast it! I wish I had luxurious long hair like Lucius. Maybe that's why I wanted to sneak up on him. I was jealous of his hair. No, it couldn't be.

I'd rather be the infamous Dark Lord, ruler of the Wizarding World (once I got rid of the annoying, ugly Harry Potter) than be the servant of the Dark Lord, with _long, silky, smooth, luxurious hair…_

I pouted. It wasn't _my _fault I didn't get the awesome hair. Though I _was_ quite good-looking back in my 'non-Dark Lord' days…

I shook my head, and sauntered (that's right, _sauntered_. You get awesome gliding skills once you become Dark Lord) down the hallways of my 'Death Eater' headquarters and squinted around for any traces of pale blonde hair I could pull and sneak up on (I had to squint because my eyes were very bad. I was thinking of going to the muggle eye doctor the other day, but they would get freaked out by the red eyes.) when I heard a small sigh of delight.

Not just _any _sigh of delight. A _Lucius _sigh of delight.

I grinned wickedly, as I tiptoed towards the sound. I suddenly froze when I heard a munching sound. I strained my ears, as I tried to listen to it, but it stopped abruptly.

I stamped my foot impatiently, and folded my arms. I waited for the sound again.

I don't know why, but I was extremely excited and felt like an adventurer out on a quest. There it was again. _Crunch, crunch, munch, gulp, sigh._

I swivelled my head towards the direction of the sound. I found myself outside the door of Lucius's room. I wondered what it was that made him so content.

I was desperate to find out. I peeked through the crack of the door, and gasped.

Lucius was happily munching on a square brown thing, and licking his lips when he was finished with it. He took a nearby box gingerly in his hands, and slid open the lid, to reveal half a box of white and brown squares, just like the one he had just eaten.

What was so suspicious about him eating something that looked like a more solid version of poo?

Then the realisation hit me like a dump of cold water.

It was Muggle food. I slammed open the door with a satisfying bang, and decided not to screech at him, but be cold, disgusted, and noble about it, to make him even more scared.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Lucius Malfoy. Eating _muggle food._" I sneered.

When Lucius didn't turn around, I realised that he hadn't heard me. I didn't want to say it again, because that would be pretty embarrassing, so instead I said, "Muggle-lover, are you now?" and Lucius turned around, shocked. He dropped the piece of square brown thing that had been half-way towards his mouth, and looked extremely guilty. "M-my Lord. I didn't know you were here."

I ignored his stuttering, and said coolly, "You have one minute to explain the Muggle food, or else I will _Avada Kedavra _you. Starting…now." I looked at my wrist as if I had a watch (because that's cool) and sparks shot out of my wand.

"P-please, my lord. Forgive me! Gift from-from a family friend. Please my lord, I have a family! My family, please, oh my Narcissa, my Draco, p-please. F-forgive me." He sobbed, but he said it quickly, aware of his time limit.

"Minute's up. You had that minute to explain _why _you had the Muggle food, not to beg for forgiveness. Get off my robes, you disgusting monkey." I suddenly lurched backwards, as he knelt to the ground, clinging to my robes.

I wasn't _that _stupid to give up one of my Death Eaters, but I liked threatening people.

It was fun. "I shall forgive you for this disgrace, but if this were to happen a second time, I will give you a punishment worse than _Avada Kedavra. _Now off with you!" I screeched, wincing at how high-pitched my voice was.

Lucius nodded, and left with tear-streaks down his face, and I was instantly satisfied. Once he got out into the open, everyone would know he had been crying. Ha!

I was about to turn around, when I got a whiff of an intoxicating smell.

It was a smell of something so delicious, so beautiful, I just couldn't resist messing up Lucius's room until it looked like it had been hit by a tornado to find the source of the smell. Then I came down to only one thing.

Lucius's box of Muggle food. 'It must be dangerous.' I thought.

'Maybe I should try it just in case…' I picked up the box gingerly, and took off the lid.

I picked up a brown square, and slid it gently into my mouth.

I nearly exploded with delight, as every thrilling, exciting memory I had came back into contact with my brain.

I saw fireworks, ferris wheels, fairy floss, treasure boxes, rubies, diamonds, gold and I felt the thrilling sensation of soaring through the night sky.

I tasted a silky, smooth rich liquid I could not identify, which smothered the square with a luxurious taste, and I crunched into the centre, making my way into the maze of rice bubbles (Muggle version of Wizard Pop Crunch cereal) and it surprised me with a confrontation of soft, tasty caramel, better than I had ever tasted before.

A bitter river of deep, rich, delicious liquid poured out from behind the wall of unstable caramel, and was then mixed in with a touch of peanut butter. Finally, I had reached my final destination through my journey of the square. I encountered a hard, crunchy hazelnut in the middle, coated in a beautiful white, milky substance. I almost collapsed under sheer adoration of this beautiful food.

I licked my lips the way Lucius had, then reached for another square.

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><p><strong>Hey guys, hope you enjoyed that, and sorry if i made you hungry after the description with the chocolate!<strong>

**But please R&R!  
><strong>


	2. Narcissa's opinion

Lucius Malfoy's POV

I prowled around my room, feeling ashamed. I had been put down by the dark lord again. What was it that I kept doing wrong? Was I too annoying? Narcissa was always hesitant or uncooperative whenever I asked that question. I had always assumed that she was just thinking how silly I was for saying that. Now the dark lord has taken my chocolates, I don't know how to act. Should I feel ashamed? Should I feel worthless? Or should I feel grateful? The chocolate had taken over my life when I first tried it. I was completely under its spell like as if someone had put an imperius curse on me, making me go crazy for something I was set to do. I decided to feel relieved. But I was also pretty suspicious. Why did the dark lord have my chocolates for so long? I peeked into the corridor. Okay, no-one there. Just as I sneaked around the corner, I bumped into the dark lord. He had a chocolate-stained mouth and a sheepish look on his face. My eyes widened. The dark lord snatched me by my robes and pulled me in very close to him. His red eyes looked murderous, but guilty at the same time. "You will speak of this to no-one, do you understand, Lucius Malfoy?" he growled.

"O-of course." I squeaked. "What are these brown squares called?" he asked, all of a sudden much nicer, and he dropped me onto the ground. "Ch-chocolate madam, uh-I means s-sir." I stuttered. He smiled, looking very pleased, then cackled, "Chocopate here I come!"

"Chocolate." I corrected him. "Ah yes, no wonder it didn't sound right." He stamped his foot onto the ground. I saw a wild and longing look in his eyes before he disappeared in a trail of mist. Maybe the chocolate had gotten to him already. I shuddered at the thought as I stepped into my room again and closed the door behind me.

Nacissa's POV

Lucius was extremely annoying. He would always complain about the dark lord always telling him off, or picking on him, and he would always ask me if it was because he was too annoying. Everytime I long to say, "Yes, you idiot! Haven't you ever noticed that you're so annoying?!" but since I am his wife(god knows why) I have to be nice and respectful and blah blah blah. So I always hesitate before saying, "Of course not dear." And Lucius would 'hmmph' before changing the topic. Today, Lucius was looking particularly pale. He sat down in his usual chair and whined, "The dark lord confiscated my chocolate, and now he's hooked on it, the hypocrite!"

He looked at me and said, "Do you think I'm annoying Narcissa?" he pouted.

I replied in my usual bored tone especially reserved for Lucius, "Of course not dear. Of course not." But this time, he turned round sharply and looked at me scathingly.

"Why that tone, Narcissa?" he asked, sounding genuinely hurt.

"What tone?" I asked, pretending not to understand. "That tone that you just used," he pouted. "It sounded bored and frustrated." He said.

"Of course not dear!" I said, with mock shock. Eventually he passed it off as fatigue-great husband he is, never to realise his wife's true feelings. "So, what do you think I should do about the chocolate?"

"I think you should leave it, dear." I said patiently. "See what happens after the lord starts getting obsessed with it. Eventually he'll either give up on it or let it take over his life, therefore promoting you." I smiled. "Hey…promotion…" Lucius muttered, half smirking half smiling. "But you know I've never been good at taking over, honey. I prefer the dark lord being the supreme master." He said modestly. He can be really stupid at times. "Mmmhmm that's great honey." I said absent-mindedly. He narrowed his eyes. Or maybe he was just sleepy. I can never tell with him. Maybe he was trying out his imitation of that new Asian death-eater. No offence.

Anyway, he stalked off, his robes flying behind him menacingly…at least it _was _menacing until he tripped over them, and kissed the floor. That was when I started sniggering. He can't even walk properly without tripping, the foolish man. Another of those times I ask myself why I ever married him.


End file.
